I don't have much time left here in Spain.
So today I bought two books.
I leave Saturday morning, actually, flying from Sevilla to Madrid, to Nueva York, to Seattle, and finally to Anchorage. The drive home from the airport always seems to last forever. When I arrive, it will be around 3 am for Alaskans, but I'll be wide awake and hungry for Consuelo's guiso de garbanzos y arroz con pollo. She'll probably be eating this guiso in our piso as she watches Catholic tv shows. I wonder if she'll accidently make too much, forgetting I won't be there. I hope that her kids or sisters come over to visit her, because I hate thinking about her eating alone.
I'll be more than 7,705 miles away from Sevilla.
I can't really describe to you how that makes me feel.
I can try, but it probably won't get the job done.
I don't want sympathy or to seem all wallow-y! Sorry! I really, really know that I how fortunate I am to have been able to live as a sevillana, immerse myself in a beautiful language and travel to amazing locations.
(Oh, yeah, on Saturday, I got back from a week in Rome, where I ate the most delicious food I could imagine and drank great wine and visited the Vatican and walked through the Colosseum, and ate more wonderful food... I highly recommend it. Especially the food.)
As I approach the end of this adventure, ("approach"...I still have three days!) I reach a crossroads:
I can look back on the experience and see the regrets that I have and wish that I could have done more with my time here,
or I can see the rich life that I've been given here and travel on, never really leaving Sevilla behind.
I won't waste your time with the regrets that I have.
Because I choose the second option.
I should be studying for my final exams, in Poesía and Gramática, tomorrow. Or, I could be working on organizing and packing up my life here. But instead, I'm watching Pasapalabra and waiting for Consuelo to come home from where she volunteers serving dinner, daily at a local nursing home. (She really has the best kind of heart. I love her so much. And I love the fact that we live in a secular country but she daily shows me how to live as Jesus taught us, without even realizing she's doing it. If I told her that, she's just say "Por nada, hija" and go back to making me dinner.)
But I'm watching Pasapalabra and thinking back to some of my first meals here. I would sit on the couch huddled forward, in order to be closer to the space-heater under the table as well as to hear the rapidly-speaking hispanohablantes on TV. Watching that concurso, or television game show, on those very first nights, I decided that one of my goals for the semester would be to attempt to be able to understand it--how the game works, what the contestants are trying to win, what the announcer is saying... I think I even made silly Facebook status about it or something...
I was all about the goals those first couple of weeks, and slowly they all just morphed into the same goal: vivir más allá de sobrevivir.
Consuelo just got home, so I'll cut this off here and just say this:
I realized today that I understand Pasapalabra.
But that doesn't mean that I am ready to leave here.
I bought two books today. This one and this one, both in Spanish. I bought them too try to get me excited for the plane rides back to Alaska. So far it hasn't seemed to be working. But I guess at least I'll have a little bits of Spanish to carry back with me.
*This post does NOT end my blog--Stay tuned in for future posts about Feria de Abril and perhaps other things that arise in the next few days. I would love to add some captions on my Rome pictures when I have time, so check for those as well in the next week. Thanks.